It’s great, lol.

Ok, ok I’ll try to be more objective. But seriously, how does any woman do this with a partner? Do they make them sleep on the couch for 9 months?

Now to be fair, I’ve been very lucky with my pregnancy so far. No morning sickness, no back pain, no complications. It’s been relatively easy all things considered. So my perceptions of whether a partner would have been helpful is probably more skewed than it would be if I’d had a pregnancy that required a lot of help. As it was, I never really missed having someone to share the process with because my support system really stepped into that role for me. I don’t imagine every solo mom’s experience is the same.

However, like all things there are pros and cons so let’s dive into them.

The pros of being pregnant alone

Sleep, sleep, sleep: I have a queen bed and use two large body pillows every night that I sandwich myself between. I really think this has been the key to avoiding any back pain throughout my pregnancy. My sleep is pretty good, even into the 8th month. Where, exactly, would I put another person? Even my cat opted out of trying to sleep with me after the first few months. There just wasn’t room in the bed. Toward the end of my pregnancy, I also took to falling asleep with my laptop next to me playing soothing ASMR videos so really, I didn’t have room from another human in the mix. Props to partnered women who make this magically work somehow.

Getting up 4 times a night: Hand in hand with sleep, once you hit the third trimester and your baby not only compresses your bladder, but gleefully uses it for soccer practice at 3 am. You’re going to be up and down throughout the night so I imagine it’s much easier to do that without a partner to climb over and wake up with you. Not to mention there are horror stories about what this phase does to a couple like the wild AITA reddit story about the husband locking his pregnant wife out of the bathroom at night so he could sleep. Spoiler, it ended in divorce.

Decorate the nursery any way you want: When you’re on your own, everything can be exactly the way you want it. Clothes, furniture, wall colours, you get to be in charge and design the nursery of your dreams.

Keeping your own schedule: Sleep when you want. Eat when you want. Lounge in pyjamas and binge reality TV on Netflix when you want. The works. There’s no need to work on a relationship or make time for another person when all you feel like doing it curling up and being alone.

The cons of being pregnant alone

There’s no one to feed you: I think probably the most helpful thing would have been to have someone else around to cook or hand me a smoothie when I didn’t want to move. So much of pregnancy revolves around food and nutrition it’d be nice to have some help in this arena. But I mean, luckily there’s an app for that when you’re feeling really lazy.

Help with chores: Gotta say, scrubbing the bathtub at 7 months pregnant was not my favourite activity. Like feeding, it would have been nice to have someone around to pick up household slack when you can’t. When your choice is dusting or sleeping, let’s just say those picture frames are going to get a lot dustier than they should.

Help getting ready: Would I have rather had someone to put the IKEA furniture together or paint the walls while I lounged around in a recreation of a Greek god dining on grapes while being fanned in the sun? Yeah, 100%. Luckily my sister and brother-in-law were a big help especially as I grew larger and more unwieldy. But I do think having a partner to help get things together and read all the baby books with you would definitely have been a bonus. There’s just so much to learn and remember. Instead, my parents got to hear my fascinating recounting off all the pregnancy, birth, and parenting theories I was reading (most of which contradicted each other). I’m sure I was a laugh riot at parties.

Cost splitting: Again, nothing about pregnancy or babies are cheap. In a purely practical sense, it’d be nice to have someone to help carry that load. However, I found Facebook Marketplace was my saviour here, along with hand-me-downs from friends and family. Very little did I need to buy new and that was a huge help with the financial cost of getting ready for a child.

Emotional support: Let’s be real. This is the big one with a capital B. A partner is your source of comfort and support when things go wrong. If I’d had a high-risk pregnancy, I can’t even begin to imagine how scary that would be to go through alone.

Because my pregnancy was smooth, however, I personally didn’t really notice or miss this particular con all that much. I have such a great support network that I never felt like I was on my own in the wilds. My sister has been a constant source of help and advice getting ready for the baby (not to mention letting me practice on her own newborn). My friends came out in droves to help me have a great baby shower and get some key baby items I was really going to need. My bestie went with me on my babymoon. My family has been nothing but encouraging and helpful. Even my colleagues helped out with baby tips and parenting advice. Sure, it might have been nice to have someone to feel the baby move in the dead of night but all in all, this is a con that at least for me was pretty manageable.

So all in all…

There is no doubt pregnancy and getting ready for a baby would be easier with another pair of hands. Not to mention how much easier it’d be once there’s actually a baby in the mix! But when that’s not an option, it doesn’t mean your 9 months have to be sad or lonely.

I think some aspects of pregnancy are much, much easier to navigate without another person to consider (Sleep! Seriously, the importance of sleep can not be understated.). Others, not so much. Every single mom by choice will feel differently about this, I’m sure. But for me, I don’t miss having a partner at this stage and am not bemoaning doing this alone. I don’t feel like I’ve made a mistake and I’m incredibly excited for what comes next. I’ve actually really enjoyed the ease and freedom of doing this on my own (She said merrily, unaware of what months of solo nighttime feedings and diaper changes would be like.).

If the idea of solo pregnancy feels scary, I highly recommend talking to friend or family. Or getting some professional support like a therapist if needed. This is absolutely something that can be done alone, but no two moms will ever have the same experience so do whatever you need to do to make your pregnancy journey a positive one for you.