What it’s like at one year of being a single mom by choice

Today I bought an inflatable purple alien. My son’s first birthday is days away and I’m going with a space theme. He has a little astronaut onsie to wear and I’m planning on making a space cake from scratch.

But as busy as a first birthday is, I still have had time to reflect on the absolutely insane journey this past year has been for me.

For those of you following this crazy journey, I wanted to share some learnings 12 months in.

The start

The newborn stage is rough for anyone, let’s be clear. But for me, I nearly died giving birth to my son. When I brough him home, we had to co-sleep for the first month and a half because I was too weak to pick him up out of the bassinet.

No mother wants to start out this way. And while I had a lot of family support and help, once the moon rose it was all on me. Dealing with a colicky baby while my blood count was a single point above emergent was… really there are no words to describe how hard that way. But in the midst of the baby blues, PPA, lack of blood, and screaming baby, there was so much joy too. My boo loved to sleep pressed up against the side of my leg on the bed. And I would just stare at him, marveling that I’d made such a tiny person.

The middle

I feel like I rushed through the newborn stage just trying to survive. But once it was gone, I was sad to have missed enjoying those moments as I should. Watching my baby grow was a trip and a half. You’re so proud when they reach a new milestone but you also miss the little baby they used to be. The newborn scrunch disappeared and my sleepy infant turned into a curious little boo who wanted to know what was going on.

My days were filled with reading about babies, doing everything I could to help him grow and develop. But I made every decision. Every choice came down to me and sometime I missed not having someone else to weigh in. My family was amazing and always there to help but a grandparent or aunt is very different from a co-parent. And sometimes I missed it. I’d think about how different this experience would be with another person. A sounding board. A source of support. Hell, at the very least someone to take a diaper or two.

The end

Then my little baby started crawling. Or in my case, rolling. Little weirdo. Then rolling turned to pulling to stand. And on Halloween, my darling boy took his first steps.

This would have been a moment I turned to my husband or partner to share in the happiness. As it was, my kiddo’s grandparents were equally thrilled. My little tiny baby that I almost hadn’t lived to meet properly was walking at 11 months. It felt like a milestone not just for him but for me. As hard a year as it was, my baby was thriving. And when I stopped to think and take stock of my life, I realized I was too.

Was it the right choice?

Having raised a baby alone for a year, some might wonder how I’d answer the question, “Was it the right call? Would you do it again knowing what you know now?”

Let me say first that being a single mom by choice is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Being a mom is hard on a whole other level. But doing it a pair of hands down just turns that dial up to 11. Still, there is only one possible answer to that question.

I have not once, not even in my worst moments this year, ever regretted my decision to become a mom alone. I am so grateful every day that I did it instead of waiting for a Prince Charming that likely would never have shown up. Yes, solo parenting is wild, and painful, and challenging. But it’s worth every single second. And if I’d done this with another person, I wouldn’t have the baby I have now. I’d trade every possible future to have the one I’m living now with him.

I love being a mom. I love my baby. And I love the life I’m living.

Deleting my dating apps was the best thing I ever did. I don’t need a man to live the life I want and I’m so much happier now than if I’d kept waiting.

What should you do?

If you’re on this blog, you’re likely wondering if you should pull the trigger too. All I can say if that for me, it was absolutely the right call and I’m just so thrilled with how my life has changed. But this isn’t the right move for everyone and you need to be really sure you have the support system and the finances in place to do this. I am the happiest I’ve ever been in my life but I never got above 80% sure it was the right call when I was going through IVF. So have a think. You might not be totally sure but you will know in your heart if this is the right thing for you.

And if it is, welcome to the insane, crazy, wonderful ride that is parenting alone.

It’s the best thing I’ve ever done in my life.