So I’m thinking about doing a thing…

Photo by Aron Visuals on Unsplash

September 9th, 2020 

“I’m thinking about being a single mom by choice.”   

I don’t remember if I said the words in that exact order or when I formalized the thought. It’s an idea that has been both new and old to me at the same time. Now I’m an adult of 34 (and a half if you want to get technical) trying to decide what sort of life I want for myself and who I want to be.     

While I don’t want to generalize, I think most women would say we’re raised with the inherent idea that we’ll be moms one day. This poses a challenge to the women out there who simply don’t want to be mothers but it’s also an issue for those of us who do want babies, but don’t necessarily want, or haven’t found, the right partner to have them with. What do we do when our biology is a ticking doomsday clock in our minds, but those infernal dating apps aren’t doing their job?    

Thanks to advancements in technology and medical science, we’re lucky enough to have more say over when and how we choose to become moms. With that extra flexibility, though, comes a seemingly endless loop of thoughts and choices as we try to plan what our life might look like.

For me, while I’d always assumed I’d have kids one day, I really struggled with the question of whether I wanted to be a mom alone. I kept thinking about the life I could lead if I opted to simply not have children. Because hey, there are certainly some interesting options going down that route. I could be on a motorcycle riding through Italian vineyards in a hot minute. Or maybe I’d go dive with sharks in Australia and climb mountains in Peru. That solo future was certainly an option.   

But the thing is, as enticing as the vineyards sounded, I wanted a kid more and more with each passing year.     

And that’s where I am right now. A woman of a certain age, single, with decreasing fertility facing scary, life altering choices. I’m right at the start of this journey and already I’m confused. When I went to look for other stories like mine being told, I didn’t find many. Becoming a single mom by choice is still a really new idea. Your family might have strong opinions about getting pregnant alone, your friends might wonder why you can’t just pick someone and settle down, your doctors might keep asking you where your partner is. And that’s pretty normal because you a blazing a trail that is still being defined.    

So hey, here’s me. One lone woman thinking about procreating without a guy. If that interests you, then I invite you to join what is sure to be a wild ride of fertility clinics, awkward conversations, and hopefully some good advice along the way. Just as a disclaimer, I have no medical background and nothing in this blog should be construed as medical advice. I’m just sharing what the process is like for me in hopes other women following the same path won’t feel as isolated getting started as I have.