Fertility counselling: Why it needs to be a high priority
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash
One thing I learned that I wasn’t expecting was that I needed to have an appointment with a Fertility Counsellor before I’d be allowed to move forward with my fertility treatments. Crazy, eh? Now this does vary by fertility clinic. At my west end clinic, they required a counselling session before I could start IUI and told me it was illegal to move forward without one. At my downtown clinic, it was mandatory for IVF or third-party reproduction only and only recommended for other less invasive fertility options. Make sure to ask your clinic what the rules are where you are getting your treatment, but when in doubt, I thought it was money well spent.
Pro-tip, book your session as quickly as you can. I had to wait nearly 3 months for my counselling appointment and that ended up delaying when I could start my first IUI try. I’d actually been assured by my west end doctor it wouldn’t be an issue only to be told months later that of course it would be. So as always, do your own research and ask questions rather than blindly trusting your doctors. Had I been told the truth, I would have found a different counsellor with better availability.
However, such is life. In January, I had my long-awaited counselling session and I can’t stress enough how wonderful it was. These appointments are about 90 minutes and there is an out-of-pocket cost. Mine was about $300. At the end of the session, you’ll be given a formal report detailing everything you discussed that you can share with your fertility clinic to greenlight your treatment.
What is a fertility counselling appointment like?
Because of Covid, I had my appointment virtually. You’ll be able to see your counsellor and they’ll begin by asking you basic questions about your age, health, and fertility goals. If you’re going for IVF counselling, make sure they know before hand as you will receive different information than with IUI. That said, my counsellor did go over the basics of both options in case I needed to graduate to IVF down the road.
The goal of fertility counselling is to make sure you have an informed idea of what to expect and realistic expectations. It’s also to go over your own plans with a knowledgeable professional who can give you advice.
My counsellor wanted to know all about my support network including both my family and my supportive group of friends. She asked me questions about how I was dealing with stress and how I would eventually deal with telling my future child about how they were conceived.
She also told me everything I needed to know about picking a donor and what medical traits I should be sorting or accounting for. When I mentioned I had every intention of raising my child to always know how they were conceived, she agreed that was a smart way to go, but cautioned not to let a young child see a picture of the donor, something I hadn’t considered. Pictures make the person real and that can be a lot for a young child to wrap their minds around.
She also cautioned that while I was open to my child reaching out to their biological father on their 18th birthday, that might not actually be the case. In this day and age, if my kid wanted to find the bio father faster they might sneak a DNA test like 23 and Me. If the donor was on the site, they’d receive a match and I could be having that conversation a lot earlier than 18 years. It was something I’d never considered.
Beyond the basics like how to pick a donor and what to expect, I also received medical info about what the IUI and IVF processes were like and how I could expect to feel. She went over success rates as well as support groups available if the process took longer than I anticipated or worse, if I miscarried.
I was able to ask all my pressing questions about fertility and she very calmly explained everything I needed to know to make informed decisions.
I cannot stress enough how beneficial this session was to me. Even if you’re at a clinic that will allow you to get started without one, I highly recommend doing it. I felt much more in control after meeting with my counsellor and ready to take on the next challenge.
Where can you find a Fertility Counsellor?
Your fertility clinic should be able to recommend a counsellor in your area to reach out to. If not, a Google search will yield lots of results, never fear. If you’re in Toronto, I recommend my counsellor, Dara Roth Edney at Informed Fertility. (UPDATE: After spending nearly two years in clinics, Dara remains the best and more honest person I’ve met in the fertility world, including all my doctors combined.)