Alright so the time has come to choose which random guy, or number I should say, on the internet is going to help me have the family I want. But when it comes to picking a donor, where do you start?  

If you’re looking in Canada, there were 3 main websites I was recommended to use to search for donors. From there, it feels oddly like online dating. You’ll put in your preferences, see a selection of men usually with a baby photo, and comb through them one by one until you narrow down your list to the winner. It’s a weird process, not going to lie. If you have family or friends who can weigh in as you make your choice, it can be helpful to have a second opinion. When I had 5 contenders, I Zoom called my closest friends and they helped me pro and con all my choices until I’d made a decision. They didn’t all agree on a winner but hearing their side of things helped me clarify my own thinking.  

Let’s start by talking about the choices you’ll see on all the websites before we get into each one. 

Donor characteristics to consider

As you think about donors you need to be aware of a couple of options you’ll see when you search. These include: 

1. Non-ID vs ID: Do you want your donor to be completely anonymous or do you want your kid to be able to reach out to them at 18? This is often called the donor category and donors are tagged as either “Non-ID” as in anonymous or “ID” or “Open ID” as in known. Now if you pick an ID donor, this doesn’t mean they have any rights to the child or to you. They can’t reach out to you or find you at any point in the child’s life. It only means your child has the legal right to reach out to them once they are 18 if they choose. Personally, I wanted my child to have to option even though I’m not interested in ever meeting my donor so I sorted for ID donors.  

   
   

2. Visual or non-medical characteristics: You have the option to sort for things like height, eye colour, hair colour, skin tone, ancestry, education, donor age range, astral sign, and so forth. These categories will narrow your range of donors so if you don’t care about eye colour, for example, leave it blank to have more options.

    

3. CMV status: Now this is one you’ll need some medical help to choose. CMV is a member of the herpes virus family but isn’t considered an STI. It’s something many people have without even realizing it, but the kicker is it can spread directly from mother to child through the placenta during pregnancy. Now if you are CMV positive, it really doesn’t matter if your donor is or isn’t. If you’re negative, you may want to sort for a donor who is negative also. The risk of using a positive donor can be small, but it’s something worth talking to your doctor about. A simple blood test can tell you your status. 

   
   

4. Blood type: You might think you need a donor who is the same blood type as you but really it doesn’t matter most of the time. Things get a little more tricky when the mother is RH-, more on that next.  

   
   

5. RH factor: Rhesus factor (RH) in an inherited protein in your blood. If you have the protein, you’re RH+. If you don’t, you’re RH-. RH+ is the most common blood type. Now things get more complicated if the mother and baby have an RH incompatibility. Ie, if you are RH- and you pick a donor who is RH+. If you are RH-, it’s a better idea to sort for a donor who is as well. A simple blood test will be able to tell you your status and your doctor can talk you through your options.  

   
   

6. Positive pregnancy: You may want to consider sorting for a donor who has already had a pregnancy confirmed. I did this for two reasons. I wanted to pick someone with a track record for success to increase my odds of a viable pregnancy and I wanted my kid to have the option of siblings later on in life if they wanted to reach out.  

   
   

7. Genetic screenings: You usually have the option to select some or all of the genetic screens a donor needs to take. This can be a good way to sort for donors with clean records or understand what potential risks are involved with a donor who has a positive screen for something.  

   
   

8. Specimen type: Lastly, pick your donor based on what sort of intervention you’ll need. Some donors are only for IUI, for example, while others can also be used for IVF.  

What donor websites should you check out?

Ok now that we’ve covered the basic options you’ll see, let’s talk about the sites themselves.  

Donor site #1: Fairfax Cryobank 

This is the site I ended up using. Fairfax isn’t the cheapest option, but I found it had a better selection and an earlier to use platform.

Tip, make an account for each site so you can store your favourites. Also, some sites show different information depending on whether your logged in or not.  

Fairfax has the usual search features like hair colour, height, ancestry, etc. They also have something called FaceMatch which allows you to upload a photo of someone you’d like the baby to look like (ie, a partner, family member, celebrity, etc) and find similar looking donors. Honestly it seems weird to me but hey, whatever works for you.  

Below is a snapshot of what the search feature looks like.  

After you receive your results, you can look through your potential donors. Often, they will have at least a baby photo if not a range of photos into adulthood, a summary of the donor, staff impressions, a donor essay, sometimes a donor interview, medical profile, genetic testing results, and even information on personality types. I really liked the Fairfax donor layout and appreciated the extra information such as the donor interview.  

When you find a donor you like, you’ll need to call in to their helpline and someone will help you place your order.  

Donor site #2: XYTEX 

I liked the layout of this site. It was bright and colourful and easy to navigate. The search function has many of the same options and also has a helpful “Common Filters” option you can look through to see if there’s anything you want to include, like adult photos for example. Their search interface looks like this: 

When sorting through your search results, I found more of my options on this site didn’t include photos. But they did have a lot of other comprehensive information such as a donor summary, when their last medical history update was, family medical history, personality and interests, genetic testing and health information, and purchase options to name a few.

Pro tip, make a free account on this site to see what photos are available. Sometimes they are hidden unless you’re logged in.  

Donor site #3: Repromed 

Repromed is certainly convenient, located in the west end of Toronto, but I didn’t think their platform and layout was up to the standards of the other two. I found the site hard to navigate. Their search function is more of an excel table where you can toggle your filter options at the top of each category. They do have the same basic category features such as donor type, CMV status, occupation, visual characteristics, and vial availability to name a few. Their search option looks like this: 

Their donor profile information comes in the form of a pdf that you can download. The extended profiles are available if you have an account. The reports are black and white and don’t include photos. They do cover medical information such as whether a donor is a carrier for something along with descriptions of their physical features and characteristics. Medical and education history are included, as is information on personality traits and the like. I found it neat that they also have a section on donor motivation so you can learn a little more about why they’re participating in donation.  

I personally have little experience on this site so I’d recommend making an account and playing around to see your options. It’s always better to have more choices than less.  

Wondering about costs?  

Donors usually fall into the range of $500-$1500 per “vial.” It can also depend on where you get them from. I opted for a donor who turned out to be American and needed to be shipped from there so the price was more expensive than a local donor. You can also buy vials in packs if you want. I opted to get 6 at once as there was a sale on to buy 5 and get 1 free and I was trying IUI. For IVF, you only need one vial per round. However, I wanted enough to try both IUI and have some left over for IVF if needed. I also wanted extras in case of a second child later on. There’s no guarantee a donor will be available forever and if you want biological siblings, it’s something to consider. Remember, if you buy more than you need, you’ll have to pay each year for storage costs until you decide you don’t need your vials anymore.

At the end of the day... 

The take away is really to do your research and understand your own medical needs when picking a donor. Hair colour might not be as important when you dive into someone’s medical history, for example. Give yourself time to go through the process and really think things through. I found it helpful to create an excel chart to track my donors across different sites so I didn’t lose track of them. I sorted for CMS status, RH status, and medical history first, then looked at height, background, and baby photos as secondary factors. Making my eventual pick and placing an order was nerve racking but once it’s done, I felt a weight off my shoulders. I was one step closer to becoming a mom.