It’s one thing to decide I want to be a single mom by choice but that left me faced with a question. How, exactly, do I get started?   

Not knowing much about this process, my first stop was to my GP. While it wasn’t her area of expertise, she did clarify that there were a few things she could do before I’d need to find a fertility clinic to take me the rest of the way. So here are a few tips when you’re wondering what comes next or even looking for a little more information before you make a choice.   

What can your primary care physician do for you?   

Since I’m going the donor route, there’s not a lot a General Practitioner can help me with. However, a good place to start with any medical endeavor is with a physical and basic blood work to make sure you’re healthy and in good shape to have a child.   

My GP also suggested I get an anti-müllerian hormone test or AMH test. Remember that episode of New Girl where Jess and Cece go to check out their fertility timeline and get given a test? That’s what we’re talking about here. These tests can be ordered without going through a fertility clinic but in Ontario at least, there is an out-of-pocket cost. The test set me back about $70 from LifeLabs. What’s it for? It measures the amount of AMH in your blood. Women produce thousands of eggs in our lifetime though that number declines as we age. Your AMH levels are an indicator of what your ovarian reserve looks like and how many potential egg cells a woman might have.   

PSA, we’re talking quantity not quality here. If your ovarian reserve is high, odds are you have a better chance of getting pregnant as you probably have more eggs to work with. A low ovarian reserve means the clock has started and the amount of eggs you potential have are decreasing. But that doesn’t tell you whether your eggs are of a good quality, even if your numbers are high. As we age, both quality and quantity of eggs start heading into a downward spiral.  

Bottom line is, this test can be a good starting point but it’s not a clear answer. But either your GP or fertility doctor can order it and it will give you a sense of how your ovarian reserve is looking.  

What can a fertility clinic do for you?    

Beyond the health basics, your GP isn’t going to have the specialized training to help you get pregnant alone, at least not in most cases. So from there, I researched fertility clinics in my area and put my name on a few list.   

Pro tip! It can take anywhere from a month to 4 months to make it into a fertility clinic so don’t, ahem, put all your eggs in one basket. Call a few clinics and put your name on a few lists. If you can talk to a secretary about your needs and what you’re hoping to achieve (gathering info or actually starting the process) that’s even better to get a sense of what the clinic will be like. Not all fertility clinics are created equal and you want to make sure you’re landing somewhere that’s right for you.  

 Once you make it off the wait list (it took me 3 months of nail-biting hell), your fertility doctor will order basic tests such as bloodwork and ultrasounds to figure out the best path forward. They’ll also go over what the options are for solo moms.  

 Factors to consider when choosing a fertility clinic  

• Location: You will eventually be going in for regular ultrasounds or tests so don’t choose a clinic that’s far from you or inconvenient to get to before work. Most of your tests will be before 9 am if you’re clinic is like mine.   

• Hours: Most fertility clinics I contacted worked a 7am-3pm schedule. Check before you sign up that the regular testing hours will work for you.   

• Service: Ask questions about who will actually be looking after you. Will your doctor be your main point of contact or will it be nurses? In some cases, it might even be an app so know what you’re getting into before you start.  

   

• Cost: To get started, most services will be covered (in Ontario at least) but if your medication will eventually come from the clinic’s pharmacy, it’s a good idea to ask upfront about costs, dispensing fees, and med markups if they’ll tell you.  

   

• Competence: Not all fertility clinics are great. Do your research and check out what the online reviews say about your clinic or doctor. Make sure you have a good fit because you’ll be spending a lot of time with these people.  

   

• Contact info: If you have questions, is there a phone number to call with a human being who will actually answer? I ended up at a clinic that was near impossible to speak to anyone in a timely fashion. It was always message phone tag and that can be incredibly frustrating when timing matters.  

 Create a support system   

One thing that became apparent to me as I was moving from my GP to a fertility clinic is this process was going to be a marathon, not a sprint. If you have friends and family you’re comfortable talking to, I recommend reaching out. Having a support system to help you navigate the medical jargon and even simply cheer you on can be so helpful when you’re in a world of couples that can feel very isolating for a solo mom.